Torn between two posts..........

I am in a really gosh-darned messed up mind..........

You see I'm at present living with my grandma........ she's nice......but i have not been living with her forever.... I'm much used to living with my parents......... That is also not the only factor........ After my grampa's death she's not exactly found a place to settle down.and she cannot live alone..She's scared of living alone......... And solitude can be a vicious demon.....I know....

But if it were just a matter of my adjusting to it, it would be something else........ Firstly, I feel very uncomfortable with how she behaves......... Everything should be done the way i want....which becomes very irritating after a while.... But on the other hand i resent it when she offers me weird advices.........

The third and the most important factor........ I want to know how is it to live all alone and fend for myself......... look after myself...... Will I be able to do so or not........ After all only he who can be independent in his existence can survive....or so I believe........

Now I've been trying to persuade her to go to Guwahati to her sisters(which she was planning to go anyway...) as soon as possible.... But I'm feeling guilty coz I'm sending her away..........

And i cannot come out of this mire of mixed thoughts.... wherever i go, I seen to sink deeper into quick sand!!!!!