Torn between two posts..........

I am in a really gosh-darned messed up mind..........

You see I'm at present living with my grandma........ she's nice......but i have not been living with her forever.... I'm much used to living with my parents......... That is also not the only factor........ After my grampa's death she's not exactly found a place to settle down.and she cannot live alone..She's scared of living alone......... And solitude can be a vicious demon.....I know....

But if it were just a matter of my adjusting to it, it would be something else........ Firstly, I feel very uncomfortable with how she behaves......... Everything should be done the way i want....which becomes very irritating after a while.... But on the other hand i resent it when she offers me weird advices.........

The third and the most important factor........ I want to know how is it to live all alone and fend for myself......... look after myself...... Will I be able to do so or not........ After all only he who can be independent in his existence can survive....or so I believe........

Now I've been trying to persuade her to go to Guwahati to her sisters(which she was planning to go anyway...) as soon as possible.... But I'm feeling guilty coz I'm sending her away..........

And i cannot come out of this mire of mixed thoughts.... wherever i go, I seen to sink deeper into quick sand!!!!!

Movies: An eternal torture!!!!!!!!!!!

First of all, don't get me wrong.............
This is not an anti-movies blog.......... I love movies......... But at d same time, I hate dem 2........
there's just too many of dem...........
As many movies, as many ppl suggestin dem 2 u............ It has bcum so bad that it truly seems like the Iron Maiden or the rack for me............. Pure torture.........
and it doesnt end there... it has bcum a social thingy too.......... A social and intellectual symbol.....
I cannot forget those days when I was socially ostracised for not seeing "Rang De Basanti".....
Such was my stubbornness that after this torture, I havent seen it as yet... Y shud I buckle down to social pressures??????
Then I have to see all kinda movies...... Whether it is a highbrow movie like "Requiem for a dream"(which I'm really sorry to say, but I'm dreading to see it!!!!! Somehow d person sellin it didnt sell it dat gud...), or a sweet mush like "A lot like love"....everything is a "must-see"......
Cant blame dem.......... I'm hard selling "Gods Must Be Crazy" too........its a cute movie n kinda d type i wanna watch.. neither too much mush, nor too much high-brow...... God I love those African Bushmen!!!!!!!!

Rebirth!!!!!

Contrary to what it seems....I am just referring to my rebirth in blogging..............
D earlier one ws too gloomy n I couldnt bear it any more...........
N I think it is high time i syop pretending to be a deep person............
Since I am not........... Shallowness personified, dats me......
But actually dis rebirth thingy seems very fascinating............
Dere must be something in how a phoenix decides to die....... I mean, it must be so refreshing to start all over again...throwing away you old burdens, forgetting your past errors....... It's like being cleansed....
I think if we all can die and be reborn again once in say every 3 months..... It would do good in many ways.....
For one we would stop clinging to your stupid, mundane, secure lives...... If we die so often, we will live our lives in full......
Secondly, even if we make mistakes it wont matter because we are going to die in 3 months.... If we are able to make it right well and good, if not, even better!!!!!
And den maybe we will not be scared of death, though i dont exactly know whether dat would be such a good thing all together..............
Hmmm, 3 benefits..... Not a bad deal at all............. It is an idea worth thinking bout............